Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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