I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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