Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
