READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
