Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
