Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
