So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
