his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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