hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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