o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
