just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
