i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
