I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
