Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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