I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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