The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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