Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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