I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
