doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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