From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize