guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
