nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
