No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
