TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
