The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
