I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
