you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
