i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
