Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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