Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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