you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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