Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
