Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
