Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
