We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
