I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
