Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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