I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dick very happy bro
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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