I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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