R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
