Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize