sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
