Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
