Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize