dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
