she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
