Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm passing your future prison.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
