i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
