she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
