Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
