I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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