ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
