I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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