I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
