i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
