I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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