I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
