My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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