Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
